Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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