He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
