I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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