Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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