She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Send help, water and tortillas.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
