Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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