Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
