Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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