"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
