Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
