I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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