Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
