I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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