i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
