Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
