shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
