Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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