i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
