Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
