I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This baby is an asshole
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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