Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
