My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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