every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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