I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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