I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
