Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
