If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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