You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
