im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
