I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
