need another drink. this is the easiest way
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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