you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Pants are for mortals
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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