I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
