is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
