When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
