the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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