I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
