What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
