I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
