P.S. I can't hear my feet
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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