So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
