Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
