thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
