Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
