wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
