dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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