we're chasing vodka with high fives
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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