just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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