they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Still dying that you shit outside
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
