i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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