If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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