that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
