I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
