OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
