and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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