my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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